Won’t you please
observe this photo, taken at the turn of the century. It depicts an unknown early American football team, and I found it at Wikipedia. Look how lean these tiny guys look.
Next, peak at defensive lineman Michael Strahan from the the aptly-named New York Giants. (Link fixed. Thanks, Yoni!)
Yes.

I swear to god, this is a post about brain power, not football, and let me be the first to draw a line from one to the other. Via Boing Boing we learn that Sharpbrains, who manufacture those brain-training software, report that 2007 was a phenomenal year for what they call Brain Fitness software. These programs grossed over 225 million dollars in the US. Real dollars. Not Canadian.

Now, I don’t mind people working hard to get ahead of others. That’s how it’s supposed to be. And as the internet turns knowledge useless and learning abilities crucial, we all expected that sooner or later people will want to do whatever they can to sharpen their minds. It’s the euphemisms I can’t stand. Brain Fitness. Brain Fitness. Fitness is what you do when you want to get leaner or prevent heart disease: you don’t get on the NFL for being lean. No. You get puffed up. You get engineered from early age to be huge. Huge! We’re saying brain fitness here, but what we mean is Giant Heads.

Not everybody wants to play defense for the New York Giants, but everybody wants a big mind. Pretty soon it’ll be a race we will all have to run in. Giant craniums all around. Let me say this: I wouldn’t be opposed to having my brain be a little leaner. Those slopes of abstract thought are getting steeper, and I for one wouldn’t mind scaling them with a little less huffing and puffing. But soon enough, I swear to god, all around you, in the street, on the line to the bank, sitting next to you when you’re waiting for a job interview, all these guys with bulbous craniums. People with portly heads testifying, just as muscular men do today, that they took no brain enhancing drugs. Giant heads, perhaps with USB 3.0 ports right behind the left ear. And I, for one, I don’t think that’s fair. I want to retain the right to be lazy and unexercised and still be considered smart. After all, that’s what being a geek is all about.